This is the kind of night where I wish I could sit alone and listen to the rain pounding on the shitty, run down window panes of my old apartment in Hollywood. I'd probably have some music on. Maybe not. I'd definitely be kept company by Faith. No, not the biblical kind. The canine kind. Actually, the best kind of company there is, really. She sits at my side, not caring what I'm up to. Good or bad, productive or not, she just really wants to be near me. There is certainly a codependant part of me that loves that about dogs in general, and probably why I've never been a fan of cats. Back to the rain. It's just so relentless, then it's over. A bit like life.
These are the nights where this filthy life we live, covered in pretense and pageantry, gets a good rinse. I've always enjoyed a walk, run or drive in the rain. Sitting outside having a cigarette in the rain is pretty damn nice sometimes too. It's just the feeling of knowing no matter how much you, as an individual human being, can spill upon the floor, mother nature will come in and wash it away without giving it a second thought. Like reverse stargazing. Knowing you are so small in this world, not by looking at the vastness of the sky, but by looking down, and seeing all the impact you think you may have made isn't more than a tiny puff of murky water in a mile wide river of runoff.
But the real wonder is how much our lives really mean. Not in the grand scheme of things (or as my nerdier friends would say, geological time) but in the sense that we can really make an impact and more importantly, be impacted by simple things. I've really tried to live a clean, simple life but more and more find myself being cluttered up with things and I think that it really does trip you up. Freedom once was such a commodity. Everyone could come and go as they pleased. And now, we're ruled by so many constraints social, economical, physical, and mental. We've been born and bred to thinking we have to live a certain way, do a certain job, live in a specific type of shelter and drive a certain car, or that we have to drive at all!
Our lives can mean so much, we can make such a difference but instead we spend our days toiling away at jobs we're probably not that happy about so we can pull some coin together and schedule a 2 day getaway that we barely have enough time to soak up and enjoy anything about where we're going. I pity the people we've become and in all this dour discussion, it must have permeated my own mood, because after speaking with April (my Girlfriend) on the phone just now, she called me back after just a quick conversation to ask me if I was ok. I am in fact OK. In fact, I really enjoy these quiet moments with my own thoughts. It rarely happens, having both quiet time and thoughts in this crazy life we live.
Living a life of meaning doesn't mean climbing everest or rescuing children from poverty, although it certainly can. It doesn't mean loving your job and have a negative carbon footprint. I think it's so much easier than that. Doing something additive in your life, early and often. Living a life not devoid of regret (cuz I'm sure that's impossible) but knowing that you've done the best that you could in the time you've been given. It's as easy as being polite, cordial, chivalrous, kind, thoughtful, giving and generous. I just hope that everyone out there takes a serious interest in someone and their something. There is someone out there and something means a lot to them. Be the one that makes someone smile give them something that lifts their spirit, gives them hope in the human soul. I swear, I'm not at all a wise, old man, but seeing a beautiful smile sure makes my day. It makes the grinding job, the grueling commute, the moments of despair in wondering what it all means, worth it. That smile. The voice on the other end of the line. The rich, warm laughter on the other end of the beer mug. Sharing their stories, giving me hope with just their smile. That to me is something this rain can never wash away. In fact, it's nights like these that I think those feelings are the freshest and unburdened of our daily drear.
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