Damn. I know i'm not first person who has ever felt this way and I'm sure i wont be the last but it cuts. it cuts deeply. and it hurts.

Betrayal hurts you in a way that most things cannot achieve. You can get punched, kicked pushed, sworn at and degraded but all those things you can see coming a mile away. Betrayal hurts because you're usually blind to it. its the sucker punch you never see coming.

you trust someone with all you feel. all your dreams, wants and needs and one day theyre shattered. FUCK. this hurts. One day its all sunflowers and lollipops and the next its razor blades and bullet casings. beautifully crafted furniture and busted drywall. things so beautiful and so deceptive. lies upon lies. speaking sugar and spitting poison.

Trust is such a fragile object. you place it so high up in a precarious position, literally upon the damaged shoulders of an individual and hope that they can support it. live up to the expectations that you hope they can manage. Im not sure who is at fault anymore. The one who expects a normal person to uphold such a huge responsibility or the one who, upon that weight, falters, even if it is for just a moment....

But the lies. the lies, dead behind the eye lies. Those are what kills. Damages me at the deepest level. Why? Love is trust. trust is love. when trust is compromised the love is forever damaged.

I am forever damaged. There is no fixing that empty space in my soul but a mere covering that hides the scars that mar my silly dream of a perfect love. There is no such thing. There is lies deceit and the hope that one may maintain the heavy load placed upon one's shoulders, never to falter to the painful truth that there is only pain in love. To love is to lose. lose all you know that is yourself and more. whether you get it back is just a toss of the dice.....